The sound of glass shattering

That one dream.
Shattered, just like that.
When dreams are merely just the reflection of the cruel reality.
No matter how hard you worked towards actualising that dream and to only face disappointment as the outcome.
And knowing that you have no one to turn to, to grief. You are alone. You have to face this burden alone. You have to be strong, alone. No one is going to tell you to be strong. The burden is on your shoulder. You know people out there are just steps away from reaching their goals and you have nothing. Your life is just a pile of mess. You are forced to do things not out of willingness.

It's so hard to put everything into words. But this is currently what I feel. I feel like I've achieved nothing. I wanted to do pursue that one dream so bad, and I know at the moment its just a pile of dust. Useless. It has been playing repeatedly in my head every day, and tried so hard to distract myself away from thinking about it. Voices in my head saying I could have done better. Regrets written all over my forehead. What do I have to chase on the material things in this world? Why is everything so demanding? Why am I just shocked? I know the old me could have handled these thoughts better. The old me would have paid no attention to it. The old me, was stone cold. The old me, would rise on two feet and face it. Rain or storm, I know I could do it. Now, all I can recall is forcing my self to be positive, and putting on that stuck-up face every single day.

I am just weak, emotional old crap. I definitely don't deserve anyone's love or attention at this moment. They don't need all this crap from me seriously. I deserve to be alone...sigh.


But I have Allah. Allah gives me hope.
Allah is the reason why I get back up. Allah makes me look forward to His love and mercy.
For Allah, I must be willing to sacrifice my dream.
For Allah, I must let go of the things that I love, so much.
For Allah, I must be positive.
For Allah, I must have sabr.
For Allah, I must be sane and rational.

For Allah, and only Allah. I know, He is building me as a stronger person. He is teaching me the virtues of sabr. He is telling me that good things in life are not always good for me. He is telling me to have gratitude of the things I have. He is saving me for something better, something I can never imagine. If there people out there who has lost faith and touch in me, given up on me, I know Allah will never leave my side. I have faith that Allah never leaves my prayers unanswered. I know Allah has sent me beautiful souls in this world to just remind me of His existence. I pray that Allah continue to bestow His love, mercy and blessings upon them.

Ameen..

InshaAllah..