2018, in a nut shell

Guess who’s back for another smashing year ahead? I am! 

Although its kinda late of me welcoming the new year into this old and croaky shed of mine, I wouldn't want to miss the chance, as it has been a tradition for me to just reflect and rewind of all the good and the bad. Alhamdulillah I am grateful for both. Leaving this year without an ounce of regret from this heart. For every choice and decision that was made, I am definite that it was with the help of Allah all along.

I wouldn’t say that last year was the worst nor it was the best. It was a bit of both, honestly.

Jom-Kurus-1Malaysia-Gone-Wrong

As cliche as it sounds, one of the new year resolution that I had initially last year was to lose weight and start a healthy lifestyle. Therefore changing the ultimate relationship that I had with food and bidding goodbye to all the guilty pleasures that this life can offer. My first every post for 2018 was about the triumph of losing 5kgs in one month and shedding those few inches as well. I can’t believe I made a blogpost documenting the journey and thinking that I can inspire other people to do it! Well lets just say I kinda bragged about it to other people and I didn't want to explain everything from A to Z guys! So I would just CnP my blog link to them and hoping that they are able to dissect the important deets. Come to think of it, it was kind of obnoxious of me bragging and championing the healthy lifestyle, knowing that it lasted only until April…..hahahahah. Everyone knows this is just a love-hate relationship of yourself with your body. At times, I’m confident that I was able to pull it off, even when I had satan voicing from the back saying that I could not make it till the end. I even set a mission to lose weight coz I was requested to become my bestie’s Maid of Honour for her wedding. Therefore I don’t fancy seeing myself looking like a fat blob and ruining the pictures of my best friend’s special day. 

My own button badge!

...and a bouquet for the girl who hardly gets any flowers :P

In the end, it was all words,hopes and dreams eh. InshAllah lets hope that one day I am empowered to finish this mission, with the right intention of course. I can only recall doing it because I’m just sick of meeting people’s expectation. Or when people make fat jokes and I am just sitting there trying to hold it together and not getting triggered. Haha good lord..

Anyways, thats another story. And I apologise for not being able to provide the before and after picture, simply because nothing barely changed, surprise surprise I’m still overweight and fat people! Get over it! Lol

Passion in Life

Career wise, in April marked two years of me being a teacher/educator. You see, the reason why I thought this was an achievement is solely because I finally know, how and what I want to dedicate my life to. It was teaching. This whole experience of being a person that youngsters look up to..and gaining mutual trust with each other..is just rewarding for me. To see them grow, discovering their true potential, to see them deal with ordeals that any child had to go through growing up (especially in this day and age), honestly I am learning a lot about them and most importantly myself. I find it blissful that tiny humans out there trust me to be their mentor, and developing that relationship beyond classroom. Sometimes, you witness a lot more surprises outside those four walls. Within one academic session, I had to be in charge of arranging school trips for every grade, and trust me it was tiring. But I had the best time bonding with my students. Every single one of them. Now that I’m no longer teaching there..I do miss them. Like very much. I hope they would still remember me once they're all grown adults. *sheds a tear*

Prayers Answered and Unanswered

Reaching towards the end of 2018, I discovered that my prayers from two years ago finally was answered. Indeed, Allah is the All Hearing. It was perfectly timed, nothing more nothing less. Alhamdulillah was all I could utter throughout the whole process. It was also like one thing leading to another. At one point my life was a big ball of mess and despite everything that has happened, I was at my lowest point. I knew making an excuse out of it was probably not the smartest thing to do, but I was always looking for that one reason to initiate the whole process, just to get started. Finally, there it was right in front of me. I was proud of myself to finally made the move, initiating the push and not entertaining the self doubts that I had the entire time. 

Allah does not abandon the prayer of His slaves. I always tell myself to have deep faith rooted in the mind and soul, and then translated in the action. With every prayer made, even the impossible becomes possible. In my case, my prayer was slightly delayed. And there were a lot hidden blessings within that. I am just grateful to be able to accept the qadr and moving on with what is yet to come. Celebrate the life that is offered right in front of me. Even if faking this self had to be done, there was nothing left to do. I’d say patience is essence too. If I didn’t have it, I don’t think I would be as sane I am today. In this life, we don’t always get what we want. I learnt that the hard way. Its always a tough love. Educating & comforting myself on the wisdom behind those notions, takes up a lot of energy until I felt so drained out. Therefore whatever that may come through, I must be prepared.

Life mantra.

Wedding Bells 

I’ve lost count on the number of friends that got hitched this year. If I give my instagram feed a quick scan, I would say quite a number as well. 2018 was the year where most of my weekend (s) were fully occupied with my friend’s engagements, solemnisation ceremony and walimah (s). I try to fulfil the invitation as many as I can, until people around me became sympathetic with the fact that my social life mostly involve in attending weddings. Which to their dismay, I was actually delighted in doing it! In all honesty, I was getting used to that life already.  25 is like the prime age for everyone to be achieving something. If marriage is what they have achieved, then that is one thing crossed off the list! And I know this life is just about to begin guys..embrace it gitu.

Hold on a sec, what kind of life? 

The life of pergi-wedding-orang-banyak-kali-bila-nak-pergi-wedding-kau-pulak-AisyahMunirah? Haha not to sound bitter, but I know thats what people see in me these days. Countless of times listening to my mother nagging about it until my ears became muted to hearing the word ‘wedding’ or ‘kenduri’. Not just my mother, it was the same case for relatives who are just deeply concerned about me. I mean, I don’t blame them lah. Totally understand. I finally come to the point where whenever people shoot me with this burning ‘Munirah bila lagi?’ questions, I would just smile and tell them to make du’a for me. It is the only ‘harmless’ thing that I can ask for. One day, I pray that Allah grant them understanding and knowledge..that my focus for marriage is now shifted and not on the list of my priorities. As cliche as this sound, I am just not ready to let go of this life just yet. I’m having too much fun on my own, its beginning to look so absurd and pity in the eyes of the surrounding. Haha. Loner much? Oh well, I kinda levelled up the game of living the life like a loner. The circumstances changed and became apparent even more when I moved from Rawang to Bangi. Its not a bad thing I suppose..getting the hang of it. So no worries!

Wadhi, my Seseri dormmate & classmate

Era @ Hazirah, my Seseri classmate

Asmaa', my SSI colleague

Kak Fatin, my ex-SS colleague

Sophie @ Fie, my Ecob coursemate for 3 years

Mia, my good friend from Seseri invited us girls (As & Illy) for her solemnisation as well

Seseri Bellatrix 09/10 Represent!

The second lady from our FOREVER/Pinggan girls to get hitched, Diela <3 p="">

Since 2009. My Adioda girls.

And then my BCH bestie for 16 years Hazirah Wazir @ Jojie, finally they tied the knot after 9 years Alhamdulillah.

Us Biro Muslimah BCH, complete.

And then, the next month after that it was Syaza's turn, another bestie from Biro Muslimah. It was a wedding to remember <3 p="">

Syaza's Reception with '93s gang and ex-schoolmates

Travels

As you can see from my previous posts, I managed to allocate some time for travelling, as it is the only hobby that I find myself benefitting from the journey. So this year, Allah has allowed me to be at Sabah, Langkawi, Pulau Pangkor (again..), Royal Belum and Perth. Some were planned spontaneously (Langkawi, true story when we booked rooms and flight 3 days before leaving), some were just following the flow (Pulau Pangkor) , some were following other people’s last minute request (Sabah..lol) and lastly pre-planned family vacation tradition that Baba kinda created, which is traveling during Raya season. So we went to Western Australia in 2018 as a family :)

Fremantle Town, Perth

Kundasang, Sabah

Sg. Tiang, Royal Belum

Houseboat, Royal Belum with ma students heheh nampak tak cikgu dia yang excited???

***

She lost him, but she found herself. And somehow, that was everything.

Thanks Taylor, for the inspiration :p I wouldn't spill so much about this. Its something very close and personal to the heart.

In the end, 

Its okay that it didn’t work. 

Its okay that feelings are not reciprocated.

Its okay that it took us long enough to realise we were not ready for bigger things ahead of us.

Its okay that we both tried to make it to the end.

Its okay that one of us felt the ‘terror’ of the darkest sides of each other.

Its okay that mistakes were made in order for us to realise that we’re not perfect.

Its okay that we both had a fair share of how difficult times can get when we were both far.

Its okay that we felt lost, disconnected and tensed with each other. Thats how we know what a beautiful mess we can be.

In the end..its okay. I’m glad I fought my way through. I’m glad you realised that I wasn’t the one for you, even though you denied this on multiple occasions. I’m glad to let you go in the most graceful manner, even though it tore us both real bad. 

I’m glad that we can still keep in touch, praying the best outcomes for each other. And yes, I want nothing besides the best for you. You’ve done all you can, while I bailed out just to protect the sanity of us both. Call this a heroic act, I wouldn't think you’d agree on me with this one. But it was for the best, I just know it, InshAllah :)

Alhamdulillah is all can say. Looking forward to 2019, inshaAllah!