I promised you an entry on my blog. Since you love to sneakily read my old posts and make fun of me, as you always have and always will. So here is your 1st anniversary present from me, one whole memoir dedicated for you. This memoir will serve a lot of purpose for us in the future. It is for you, for your future kids, your future grandchildren. For them to know how our story blossomed throughout the years. As we're all going digital these days, I am sure for years to come, it will be much more easier to type in the blog link and find this entry whenever it deems necessary. We can go traditional, but papers and ink will fade. We used to do that a lot didnt we? We would write letters to each other..and you would always leave your love sticky notes before you left for work. The small small things you do for me, will make it so hard for me to not live this life without your touch, your remembrance, your dedication...your love language was so impeccable, it is out of this world. So lets get on a little throwback for some feels trip shall we?
How did we meet?
If I remember vividly, this was the first time I met you. I was a shy, timid girl hailing from 8th college (Kolej Kinabalu or KK8) wanting to join this humanitarian mission for experience. I remembered anticipating for my last paper to end (semester 5) because I was exhilarated to join this mission. At last, I can finally be a part of something important. That was what I had in mind all the way. To be able to help by offering my time and energy. I had so little to be giving as I was still studying. But I joined with a big expectation, to get to know people, and to feel the plight faced by those who were affected. That picture was from Basyar's lens I think. I had no idea who you were or how 'big' your position is. But you gave off that humble impression when sooner I found out that you were from dental and you knew my classmate from Palam. Oh also you were Pro-M's student rep that you won both seats for two consecutive years. You know how I LOVE to menganjing this part about you, it will not stop in this blogpost hahahaha. I think that's how we started talking...cos again that time I was pretty intimidated by the domination of male counterparts hahaha luckily I had met some girls to bond over throughout the whole mission.
Basically...or roughly that's how the story started for both of us. I would say I am eternally grateful for joining this mission, because little did I know years later it would be the reason for us to be in this beautiful union. *smiles*
After that, we only kept in touch via social media as friends. Upon graduation and securing my first employment, I had no interest to be in a relationship with anyone. I've wasted years of liking someone who thought I was invisible so getting out from that place was absolutely difficult. I didn't want to risk any chances of getting hurt again. I did a lot soul searching, I made friends who helped me, seeking knowledge whenever I had the chance, all this for the betterment of myself. Along the way, I was heartbroken, I broke someone else's heart, paid my dues and found myself again. I felt so much liberated thinking why didn't I do that sooner? I was fully in love with myself, at ease with all that has happened, all the good and bad. I was in deep catharsis that I wished for a lot young girls my age to feel what I felt.
And you know what? That's when you came. You came into my life, out of the blue, unexpectedly. As cliché as this sounds, it comes when you least expect it. It comes when you know no entity in this world can make you feel less, because you learnt that the hard way.
After four years, you made the first move. The courtship process was pretty simple actually. You asked me if loved coffee, and of course I said yes, without knowing that you wanted to 'interrogate' my status, lol. It was easy because we were both quite straightforward with what we want. At that stage, I wanted to play hard to get. I wanted to see where you were gonna go with this. Because I simply DO NOT have in the slightest of time to be in a relationship with no direction at all. I was so done with promises that comes with little or no effort at all. In that course of time, I was slowly getting your signals that you also wanted to move in the same direction as I was. I prayed to Allah to slowly let me open up as I can see that you were serious about us. Even though you were so determined to commit, I was still having doubts about myself. Thinking, am I ready for all this? Over time, you made me feel like I was about to jump into a big pool of commitments, but with you by my side, I knew it will be less scary. And you did. I came across a quote somewhere. Finding the right person should not only be about how that person makes you feel for them, rather it should be about how he/she made you feel for yourself. Being with you, not only made me fall for you, but you made me fall for myself again. All those years of thinking about my own worth, doubts after doubts, with you I instantly feel like a whole new person, in a whole new world.
Now comes to the planning towards our big day. I would not dwell so much on that as it involves in major technicalities. I should do one blog post about my nikah ceremony and reception separately. But thats for another day. From day 1 to the day we were solemnized, I must say Allah made the process easy for us. Of course there were bumps here and there, and I was slowly investing every moment so emotionally because I do not want to forget every single that came along. Syukur, up to till day, I am thankful that both of our families gave their blessings for our intention. That was the most important thing for me and you. The merisik and engagement was when our families met formally for the first time and it was a beautiful shared moment for both us. I wouldn't have it in any other way. It was perfect.
September 2019, his mother a put a ring on me 😀
November 2019, officially half yours 💗
Within the duration of Sept until Nov, it was all smooth and easy. Alhamdulillah, I was the happiest girl alive. This man really wanted me so much, he was going all his ways to make me his. At that moment, I may be clueless on certain things, but I was sure as heck I wanted to be with this man for the rest of my life. This was all a big stepping stone for both of us, since we were the first to get hitched. So my parents went a little bit crazy with all the planning, and I wanted to keep things simple and my way. I guess that will not work when you're the eldest in the family lol.
Fast forward to August 2020, the day is slowly approaching us. I could say that I was slightly nervous, but more importantly excited to embark on this this new journey together with my other half. Yes, he is my half, without him I am incomplete.
Presenting...my husband everybody 😊
Serious kan muka dia? Trust me, he is only serious when I merajuk sebab takut bini marah/sedih lama-lama hahaha. lol. Other times, he is 100% nuts just as I am. And that's what I love about him. He used to leave this veryyyyy big impression on me, that I would never picture myself with someone like my husband. He was somebody big at his university and faculty, I thought to myself, he must have a large following or something. He has friends, staffs that love him to bits. I mean at one time, I felt like its a huge responsibility to be his wife. I was nervous I could not do justice to how his family, friends and colleagues treated him. Because as a human being, he was exceptional. In my eyes, he was the IT guy of my generation. Kita ni biasa-biasa je, segan wehhh haha I know you're gonna kill me for writing this down but oh well! 😝 But upon knowing who he really is (before and after marriage), he was charming, charismatic, eloquent with his words, speaks softly to his mother (melt!!!) and lastly, HE WAS CRAZY JUST I WAS! Sooner or later, I knew I did not only marry my soulmate, but I married my best friend, my ride or die, my partner in crime. We can literally commit crimes together because of how much we synced! To that extent guys, haha. I'm not kidding.
First solat with my imam 💕
After one year of living together, I realized we were both not the same person as we thought we were last year. For me, being married to this man really changed me. In a good way of course. The role of husband and wife itself in Islam is extremely emphasized, that I am enjoying so much being his wife. I basically married someone who is total opposite of all those KRT pages in Facebook. He was absolutely nothing like them. I had that fear of marrying the wrong person. Someone said the most tragic that can happen to a woman is choosing the wrong man for her husband. And its safe to say, I have chosen the right person. At one point, I told him, if I were to die anytime soon, I want to be taken in a state that I am your wife, because you are my 'lubuk syurga' and you made it easy for me to serve you as my husband. Definitely not exaggerating here ya.
Its one whole year of being able to lie beside you when my eyes open from deep slumber.
Its one whole year of reading your cute sticky love notes before leaving for work.
Its one whole year of praying jemaah as your makmum,
Its one whole year of admitting my annoyance on your obsession with me every single day 😩 lol
Its one whole year of you thanking me for every meal that I cook, without fail, and kissing hand my cheeks and fingers quickly because you didn't want to let me turn hangry 😋😡 #girlishungrysodontmesswithher! loll
Its one whole year of you pressing 'SKIP INTRO' of F.R.I.E.N.D.S on netflix, knowing how much I will be annoyed when the 3 claps come in #IYKYK
Its one whole year of us doing SLOWMO to initiate doing things after eg. masuk bilik, tidoooo
Its one whole year...of hearing 'I LOVE YOU' randomly, each day, at any time available
Its one whole year of being the ultimate food hunt partner..we go from cakes, sushi, chinese, sik kandaq..and the reason why we both gained 10++ kgs lepas kawin 😂😂😂
There are a lot of other things that I could share. All the experiences we have been through. All the wheezing, out of breath laughter for our weird cringey jokes 😂, my small cries and tears to make you feel bad, my 'TAKPELAH...NEXT TIME' just to guilt trip you because it freakin works every single time!!!! 😂😂😂😂 but I guess that is for us to treasure and remember, of our own. The lockdown and pandemic has made both of us to be extremely dependent on each other, if one of us collapses, the other one will. I wouldn't know how to navigate this life if I didnt have my own version of Azim. Every Aisyah needs her Azim. Every Azim needs her Aisyah. We are one halves, completing each other. No one is anything like you, no one can ever replace you. No one knows me as much as you would do.
How could I ever live in a world without this person named Azim?
I don't think I ever can.
Till death do us apart, my love.
Happy 1st to us 💖
I love you eternally, my universe 🌍
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